When I'm an adult....

Logan: "Mom, one day when I'm an adult, I'm going to buy Venice whatever she wants."

Me: "Oh, that's sweet."

Logan: "Well I'll be a billionaire because I'll have the lemonade stand, and a restaurant and a store."

Honey I tried to clean today.....

But Logan had to get to school.... and then Sylvie slept in braids so her hair would be wavy and she was so worried the waves were falling out that I had to fix it a few times through the morning....and then I had to make breakfast...and feed us and the baby.....can't forget coffee and a shower so I could survive the rest of the day....

And then there was the long moonsand playing session. Yellow moon sand waffles and itty bitty strawberries had to be "eaten" I wore the baby so I could make lunch and get some dishes emptied from the dishwasher. She did nap- after she made a huge poop in the first cloth diaper I ever put on her. So I had to figure that all out and wow it came clean- woohoo! And then we had to get ready for kindergarten with a dramatic 6 year old so we all know how that can drag on.

First I played with her, really enjoyed our time together. And when I got done the baby just wanted to nurse and nurse and my eyes..... were...... getting...... droopy. So I slept on the couch sitting up with her in my arms because before you know it she'll be tooooo big for that! And then she wanted to nurse and nurse and now she doesn't want me to put her down. And the Ash Wednesday mass in in a few minutes and I'll pick up Logan from the mass. And then Sylvie will get home from Ballet with grandma. And I'm sure there will be hair drama or at least a whole buncha hungry people to feed.

So honey, the house isn't clean. But there's a HUGE smile in my heart today because I did all the right things. Played with them, made them food, held them and showed them what's important in our faith. And tonight we'll have grilled cheese instead of something in the crock pot, but it's okay we'll all be together. On top of the sticky floor. And climbing over legos.

Sylvie met the Tooth Fairy!

Last night Sylvie lost a tooth and this morning she had an adventure to share with us!

Told by Sylvie in Sylvie's voice:

I saw the Tooth Fairy last night! She was flying around and I saw her. She was blue and pink with long hair like Rapunzel. She threw the "Forget Me" dust on me but I caught some. So I threw some back at her and she got confused and went into Logan's room.

Logan: "My room?! Wow. You should draw a picture of her."

Sylvie: "I told you I would play a trick on her..."

Wow. Dr. Phil Dr. Sears and High Needs Child

I love when a tv show strikes a chord and you can raise your hand and say "me me that's me!" Miss Sylvie has been intense not so much that first year but in all the later years. At 5 1/2 years I noticed a maturity that was much-needed and we haven't had too many needy days since. Maybe a baby sister was what Sylvie needed. Who knows, only God knows what she needed on this life journey.

I think she was needy from birth but since we are so attachment focused she got what she wanted to satisfy those needs. So today on Dr. Phil they had a mom who has one of those 3 year olds who screams. Yeah, that would be Sylvie circa age 3! She was so intense and you just knew certain things would set her off. You know, like "mommy is going for a bike ride...." she would freak out the whole time and I would come home to a frazzled Jorge who had promised the kid everything including the kitchen sink if she would just. stop. screaming.

On the Dr. Phil show they went over different tactics that didn't work for a high-needs child (aka Sylvie) and that the one thing that would work was mirroring joy. Holy smokes I remember the day I decided. No matter what, I was only going to be happy, loving and not mad. I was going to tell her over and over that I know she was wearing her angries but that Mommy loved her no matter what and was not angry. And what can we do to get you through the angries to the lovelies and do it together. I don't think it was some miracle solution for my screaming toddler but it sure restored my sanity. And my relationship with my daughter.

I have a friend who has an almost-teen. She and I would talk because our daughters were the same. When I spoke with her about my tactics they were also her tactics and here she was years later fighting the same battles. So I decided that wasn't going to work. And you know what, the alternate worked. Mirroring Joy. What a concept.

She is a beautiful complex wonderful 6 year old who sees the world for what it is. She cuts to the chase and can sum up a situation in a moment. If I had to guess which of my 3 would be president someday, it would be her. She has drive like no other. Logan will be too busy fighting for world peace to deal with politics. And Venice, at this young age of 2 months I'm guessing something quiet and sensitive like a concert pianist. I can dream. If they are happy, I'm good.

A memory from Sylvie circa age 2 or 3. We went to Alexis and Marco's house with Kimi. They had a dress-up box. Basically Sylvie went along following the kids in whatever they did and either collected the best of the dolls, trucks, game pieces, etc. for her own, or demanded to wear the dress up that she chose as "best." There was not Team, only I. Then came time for me to leave and get Logan from preschool. That would require removing a dress-up costume from Sylvie. There were tears, then screaming, and then it got physical. While trying to remove said dress and put her new one one, the other moms are looking with wide eyes wondering if this is all worth it. Oh yes it was because gosh darn it, she has stolen a mermaid doll from the last playdate, we were not about to start collecting other people's possessions! So here I am begging, pleading, reasoning and arm-wrestling my little one. To no avail. So I carried her out. In her underwear. Screaming. And wrestled her into the carseat. In her underwear. To get Logan from preschool. I don't think the teachers dared to say anything at the pickup. There was no joy that day.

At one point I figured out how to deal with this chickie monkey and I think instead of teaching her limits I realized I needed to teach her Unconditional Love. At first things turned around for me. I enjoyed parenting her more. I had less teary nights that would send Logan running to be upset alone. We just dealt with it all together. And we still do.

I'm writing this down because who knows how Venice will be as a child and if she takes after Sylvie I'll want a road map. Here it is. Mirror Joy. And Unconditional Love. And the rest will fall into Place.

Christening Gown

Lock-in

Logan: "What if school really went til midnight and you had to pick us up then?"

Logan: "Kids would miss their parents. And Venice would be asleep when we got home." (smart kid!)

Me: "What if you had a lock-in like at Flying High Gym where you could be with all the kids from school but you got to do whatever you want, what would you do?"

Logan: "I would read the books."

Sylvie: "I would steal the books."

Oh My this girl has got some spunk on her!

Pregnant for a year....

Way back during Logan's pregnancy I read Dr. Sears Baby Book and it opened my eyes to attachment parenting. I have re-read pieces of it and love some of the ideas of parenting this way. I love raising my toddlers by involving them in daily life. With my babies I love wearing them and moving about making dinner, or holding Venice on my boppy and playing with Sylvie.

I love the idea that you are pregnant for a year. For the first 3 months outside mom baby is figuring things out and needs mom to help out. Knowing this makes me okay with holding her more, sleeping upright sometimes with her in my arms. This week she is 8 weeks old and growing so much. She is more in tune with us and our rhythms, and voices of Jorge, Logan and Sylvie. She is moving away from only mom can do, to being happy with dad. And more independence. She slept in her rock and play all night last night! I feel like we are seeing the end of 3 months and its exciting to see what is next but also sad to see the newborn phase coming to a close.

I love that she still falls asleep drunk on milk almost every time I nurse her.

I love how she rubs her head into me, burying herself.

I love when she sucks on her binky, smiles wide and coos at her toy bird.

I love how her legs pop up during diaper changes, and she stretches her arms up and arches her back when she is waking after a long nap.

I love the way I have been able to bond with my babies and having the ability to nurse them, providing nourishment and soothing, and that I have time to hold them, kiss them and love on them. I love that I've shared it all with Jorge, then Logan and Sylvie. What a blessing it has been to have this girl in my life.

Don't Blink....

I'm holding Venice on my chest, on the boppy. She's all curled up and warm and calm as she listens to my heartbeat. I just want to cry thinking about how quickly time flies and moves this little being into a real person, a real personality and a "big kid." This is such a luxury to get a chance to do it all over again....just one last time to taste newborn toes, smell newborn skin, get those gummy smiles and fall in love all over again.

And bonus that I get to see my kids fall head over heels for this newbie as well. Sylvie is so in love with her sister she just cannot get over it, and tries to find words to express how excited she is about her sister. Consistently through the pregnancy she said "why did you want another baby...." and I tried to explain how in love I am with her and Logan and that I was so excited to make a new person that would join us. And in the car the other day while she was having trouble expressing just how much she loved Venice already I told her "Sylvie, now YOU know why I wanted another baby. It's the most exciting thing to make a new person and love them so much and you just met them."

Venice, thank you for joining our family. You have brought us SO much joy in your 7 short weeks!

Cellphone Speak....without the phone

Logan told me....

LOL stands for 'Laugh out Loud'

he proclaimed "Oh Ehm Gee!" (oh my god)

and he said "Mom, want to know what SOL stands for?" Well, since in my world it has meant 'Sh*t out of Luck' I was curious what he was going to say and he said "Shouting Out Loud." Phew!

Who let this boy get so big?! It's scary to let them out in the world under the influence of ...gasp.... other 8 year olds!

Christmas!!!!

So, how didi we survive the holidays with a newborn? Well!

We made Christmas cookies!

From a very simple mix. And the rolling pin hung out on the counter for a week.

We gave the teachers the perfect gifts!

Somehow Sylvie's came back home and Logan gave a gift card to the family restaurant to the teacher on accident.

We put up a christmas tree.

Jorge gets all the credit for puling this one off.

We had a great collection of gifts to give.

We did almost all of our shopping online and there were definitely last-minute gifts purchased.

We made it to church.

Jorge and I each were nodding off at different times.

We had an impressive table spread and a clean house on the 24th.

The kids basically watched tv while Jorge cleaned and the baby hung out attached to me for hours on end.. He got everything in one glorious trip to Whole Foods.

Santa came! Santa Came! SANTA CAME! And there was joy in this home and thats all that mattered.

January

Let it be known that this year wher Sylvie turned 6 there was no snow on the ground and we played at the park in sweatshirts!

And this November when Logan turned 8 it snowed big fluffy flakes that stuck around for awhile. Backwards weather rocks! I am 6 weeks postpartum and took a bike ride on the trail!

Music Musings

When I had Logan as an infant he was a pretty fussy little thing, he had silent reflux. So sleep was minimal for a lot of months. At some point I remember getting into the habit of bringing him downstairs, turning on the stereo with my toe, and rocking him til he went to sleep. Music of choice was usually Sarah McLachlan, Irish melodies, something soft, quiet and uplifting. My music to make me happy that seemed to make him happy as well.

With Sylvie, music around the house was often Baby Einstein, kids music, things that appealed to Logan. I know when she had her fussy evenings I would play Mozart on our stereo- LOUD. Jorge discovered that trick for Logan one night and it seemed to work well for baby Sylvie.

Now with Venice, Sylvie is the music lover of the house. When we switched the rooms we got Logan a tv (his was pre-HD or whatever it was that means it doesnt' work any longer) and we decided to get Sylvie a stereo. Not just a little radio, a real stereo. It makes her so happy! She loves to put on some cd's, jump on her bed and dance away to the music. The choice of artists is more modern- Lady Gaga type music. Dance music. So one of our routines in the mornings is to get Venice down to sleep in her swing, and we head upstairs. I hop in the shower and she dances away to her music. It struck me how happy and upbeat I feel, energized by the music and it really starts my day right. I love that my Sylvie brings sunshine to my day like this. One more reason to love having "big kids" when you have a baby:) Love this "spunk" on this little lady!

cutie pie

Introducing Venice Soleil......

Let’s see if I can sit down and write out the story of how Venice came into the world. It was Tuesday, November 22 and the day I had predicted all along that she would arrive. The last days of pregnancy were rough. I was accepting a lot of help, very cranky. Mix it up with a need to clean everything, obsess about the kids lunches and such for school, and tying up loose ends. And impatience. Baby was crazy moving, you could see her from the outside and my hips would randomly separate. Nothing was comfy- sitting, standing, sleeping, I had a cold and was pretty miserable.

So my mom came to watch the kids and I headed off to my 10 am appointment. The ultrasound technician found her head down, quiet, not moving much, good heartbeat. We were at “failing” the biophysical pretty quickly so I figured I’d head over to the non-stress test and she’d start jumping. Instead they sent me to the hospital. I called Mom and Jorge saying no rush yet, it was probably just going to be a false alarm like last week. Nope! Dr. L was at Triage and saying “we’re going to deliver her today.” They hooked me up to monitors and initially they were going to wait a few hours to let my breakfast settle. So Jorge headed home to grab the bags, Mom pulled the kids together and the plan was for Lilia to pick them up at 4:30.

Well there was a change and Dr. L had to attend a complex cesarean, so Dr. C was called in. He said the baby had only passed the biophysical by a bit and was pretty quiet on the monitors so if we could get Jorge there in the next hour, I would be first before a bunch of scheduled procedures. Craziness!

Jorge made it in time and they had me prepped and iv’d for surgery. Of course they blew a few veins and things had to sign a second set of consent forms for the change in doctor. The anesthesiologist was good but it took him 3 times to get the spinal in and it was painful. They switched nurses to a second nurse that helped me pose a bit better. It’s hard to bend forward when your belly is in the way! Once that was in things were better. Except for the cold that allowed me only to face one direction and I was so stuffy I was having a hard time hearing. I felt the strong pressure on my chest of not being able to breathe but it was short-lived thank-goodness! No nausea during the procedure but I was nervous. It felt like a very long time before they got the baby out.

She arrived at 2:30 and Jorge got to go to the nursery with her. The rest of the surgery was slow and apparently I had a good amount of scar tissue. They used glue on the top layer, so that was good. The immediate recovery was rough, I felt unsettled and shaky and weird, but by the time I got to my room I was feeling better. Jorge had taken photos and showed me on the ipad during recovery so that helped and we picked a photo to share on Facebook as our announcement. It helped distract and pass the time.

We had a lot of visitors pretty quickly and I must have been out of it because I don’t remember the first moments in the room with the baby, something I had been worried about all along! The kids got to be with us and Sylvie took awhile to warm up. Logan was cute and excited and held her. My dad got to come in right away but didn’t meet the baby til the next day. He met up with my mom and took over the dog and she came in to hold the baby right away.

She was pretty sleepy but a good baby. Didn’t love her bassinet, but did let us put her in it some of the time. Nursed quite a bit and then would sleep for too long. It was hard to wake her up to eat! She had a test for jaundice and an echocardiogram for a hole in her heart. Both came up okay, but it took awhile to get released on the third day (Thanksgiving) waiting for the results.

All in all, a good birth experience. The things I worried about went as well as I could have hoped. And Jorge was really a great help in the room.

Loganisms....

Logan likes to chat about Pokemon ad nauseum so it was a fun change of pace to have a neat conversation with him on the way home from the dentist....

He was talking about how he calmed Venice down and I said "Logan, you are a good helper person. I'm sure you will help people in your life."

Logan: "I'll bet God gave me that as my gift."

Me: "What gift?"

Logan: "The desire to help others."

So true Logan , and I'm loving the increased vocabulary!

Logan: "I'm going to go to Mexico. Did you know water is only 10 cents there? When I'm an adult I'm going to go to Mexico in my Teleporter Portal and bring Legos there. I will give the legos free to kids that don't have toys."

Me: "Logan, how will you get a teleporter?"

Logan: "I'll build one. Out of Lego's and mechanical stuff."

He also has a new obsession with the military, especially the Marines. He said he wants to create armies of Lego guys especially a Marine collection.

Size of a Watermelon

"Mom do you HAVE to have that baby in 8 days?" "Yes!" Woohooooooooooooo!

Just laughing at my Sylvie. She's so excited for all this waiting to be over. She wants to meet her sister, count on mom to be the one to come get her from school, and have a few nights at grandmas house that she just can't contain herself.

She wrote me a letter today (had my son write some of it)

"Mom, I am so happy you are going to have the baby."

"She is the size of a watermelon now, so it's time for her to come....."

When we first announced the pregnancy I followed a chart of about how big the baby was compared to produce. So she asked me almost daily for 9 months "how much longer til she is the size of a watermelon?" We even have a countdown chart with watermelon slices. One slice left!

Entrepreneur

I love the way each of my children look at the world. Logan has big plans to make money. His current favorite is the elusive lemonade stand where he thinks he can make a lot of money, you know, like $15. So this is Logan's dream. Start with a lemonade stand. And someday open a business where he sells legos and healthy food. He will even let me work there. And they will be closed on Sundays. So he can take care of his 4 dogs on Sundays.

So Sylvie, not to be outdone, has her own idea. She would like to be a "ringer" aka a cashier. "Mom I would like to own my own store." "What would you sell?" "Cabinets. I would charge 100,000 for them." "That's a good idea, then you don't have to sell very many to make a lot of money." "Yeah, then I would have more money than Logan." "Sylvie, if you do that, you'll have more money than me!" "Perfect." A girl knows how to make money, and she knows how to spend it. I see her future already.

Mom! Best Breakfast Ever!

34 weeks pregnant me gets up, waddles into the kitchen, considers making muffins from a box, remembers we're out of muffin cups, waddles over to the computer and figures breakfast will be yogurts and cereal.

Sylvie (30 minutes later): "Uhm, Mom, aren't you forgetting something?"

Me: "What"

Sylvie: "Breakfast?!" Apparently she was hungry because she's not a breakfast person at all!

So I get up, make biscuits (from a can), bacon, OJ and scrambled eggs. Nothing too hard, and with the smells wafting, we were all ready for breakfast by the time it was ready.

Logan, after breakfast "Mom, that was the best breakfast ever! The honey was PURE!"

Silly little man!

Daily Conversations

Logan: "When I grow up, my house will be little on the outside but big on the inside. I will have robots that do everything. They will make me slushies, etc......I will have a genie and I will wish......What would you wish for mom if you had 3 wishes?" ad nauseum. At least it's a change from "when I grow up my whole house will be filled with dogs......." He's very into his home in the future!

Sylvie: "Mom, I had a lot of dreams last night. I dreamt that the baby was here. I dreamt that we had a sleepover at Abuelita's house but it wasn't exactly like her house....I dreamt that there was a snowstorm." She's very into her dreams and also into reassuring you that whatever you want to be true is true. Like Logan wanted to know if there was a Frankenstein gummy treat in the new gummies we bought. No, of course there wasn't, but she was quick to agree and get all excited for him!

Sylvie's also writing the letters they are learning in school but doesn't quite have them down as to what they are called. Like if you say "what letter is this?" she'll probably guess "T" but if you spell out a word she'll most likely write it correctly and sits and writes all the letters on paper. I think she'll get past this quickly and be letter-crazy before you know it. I'm really really really happy she's in a good kindergarten. The preschool drama we had last year seems to have entered her classroom in her relationship with one friend, but we talk about it alot and how people can be moody and fickle and she's also making other friends. There were two "best friends" that caused her a lot of heartache last year in her school and the two girls are attending the same catholic school this year for full-day kindergarten. Sylvie's in half-day at the public school next door. I'm really happy we made this choice, and while I think she gets a bit bored and ready by the time kindergarten starts, and it would be easier to do one less drop-off with the baby coming, I think this was a good decision for her.

:)

Just flashing back to Baby Sylvie and how itty bitty she was. I can't wait!!!!!

Will she look like them?

I'm curious if baby #3 will look like baby #1 and baby #2!

When Logan was born he looked like my sister when she was born to me, but he definitely has has dad's lips and some of his facial features. He was such a mix of so many family members on both sides I couldn't believe it when Sylvie was born and she looked most ..... like her brother! She has taken on more looks of my mother-in-law's family as she's gotten older, but she also has looked like various family members through the years.

I picture baby #3 to have more hair, dark and not formed to her head like the other two, and a pale face. But we shall see! They never look like what you think they will look like!

Disney!

Rooms!

We rearranged and painted the rooms this weekend. We just took the tape off this morning, so this is 1 days worth of arranging and decorating. I'm excited to have the main pieces in place to get the rest done!

The Star Wars Room is Logan's (was Sylvie's) and the yellow room is Sylvie and baby's room (was Logan's). Logan was very hesitant for anything to change, so aside from his walls and a new tv, we tried to keep the room similar to what it was. Sylvie was excited for new things, but I kept her duvet cover and matched that. The crib mattress is where the crib will be. And we need to build one matching dresser that will cover the end of Sylvie's bed.

My new artwork in Logan's room is scrapbook paper I ordered, had Jorge mount to foam core and Logan arranged around the room. My artwork for the girls is over Sylvie's dresser, from Etsy some prints with princesses from fairy tales.

I've been obsessing over these two rooms for a few months now, agonizing over how and when to move the kids, so I'm very excited to have it "done" and ready to move into the nitty gritty as time allows. So fun!

First Day of School!

Vignettes

I love seeing the phases kids go through. It's fun to document them because sometimes, as quickly as they begin, they end! Sylvie's in this "Vignette" phase. She will set up random small items in a location and it's funny to come across it and wonder if she was thinking artistically, arranging to make it look nice, thinking realistically (like creating a hammock for a friend), or just plain playing.

Here are a few fun examples that are sitting around the house today....

A squirmy worm in a small hammock on lego fridge magnets

Chapstick, a small animal on a rug, and a larger animal on a towel, all sitting on a washcloth

A teddy beanie baby, a box for his "food", a fallen flower petal, sitting on a piece of pretty fabric.

Making Wishes

Deep Thoughts by Logan, age 7 3/4 years old.....

Sylvie: "I'm totally making a wish when we go under that bridge." (there was a train on it).

We all make a wish as we go under.

Logan: "Mom, I made a wish but I don't care about it anymore."

Sylvie: "Why not Logan?"

Logan: "The trick to wishes is that YOU have to make them come true."

Sylvie: "How do you make a wish come true?"

Logan: "You work really hard at it and come up with a plan. If you want a lot of money, you have to not spend all your money and save it and then you can get whatever you wanted to buy with your wish."

Love this kid!

Noticing Each other

Jorge moved some of my photos around so I can find them more easily on the Mac and I love this one!

Abby- 2002 to 2011

I took this photo on a Friday after Abby's haircut. This has been the year of skin and ear infections for her and it seems we'll be good for a few month and then she'll be cranky, itchy and licky. So this last go-around was pretty nasty, scabby and gross. And her personality was kinda cranky. We talked to the doctor and of course there are a lot of potential expensive tests to see what is causing the rashes, but she figured it was the same types of things as before- rolling in other animal dander and pee in the yard, spreading bacteria by rolling and licking, just making it worse on her own.

So we came home with some strong meds and I finally got her to the petsmart grooming to get some of that scabbiness off. They did a great job and she looked so pretty and healthy!

On Sunday she was fine when she woke up and started panting by 11 am. And shaking a bit. It was very unusual for her, but hot in the house. And then the other symptoms started. I was keeping a list to call the vet and we were googling around. She went downhill fast though. By the end of the night she was panting, tummy issues, excessive thirst, peeing quite a bit, and couldn't settle at all. Jorge took the shift til 1 am and I went down after and stayed with her til 4:30 am. She was very unsettled, going out constantly but wanting to come back in. And at one point she looked very disoriented and laid on her paws on the kitchen tile. I had thought maybe it was a UTI with a fever, and at that point I was really worried she was in a lot of trouble.

I had to work, so I left her downstairs for 1 1/2 hours to sleep upstairs. She tried to be up with us, but I brought her back down as she was very unsettled and I was afraid she would wake the kids. At 6:00 I went down and couldnt' find her downstairs. After a frantic search and a quick question to Jorge if he had left her out, we found her under the computer desk unconscious. She was already almost gone, and I thought she was, she was messy and not responsive. But she was breathing. By this point Sylvie was frantic and Logan was up. So I had Jorge wrap her up and we had to share the news that Abby was gone from us. We had them say goodbye and my father in law picked the kids up to get them out of the house so we could deal with everything.

Going to the vet to put a pet down is not an experience I would every hope for again. The vet was wonderful and the process was quick. She never perked back up or opened her eyes and the vet said her belly was already full of blood and fluid, she was not panting any longer, just barely breathing. Putting her down was a messy experience as well and the graphic images of seeing my dog lose control of her body will stick around for awhile.

It has been a sad week saying goodbye and every time we walk in the door, morning routine without my buddy asking for a treat, not worrying about her as part of my "do I have the keys, do I have my purse, is the dog inside the house" walk out of the house has put a sad note in a lot of our day.

I'm not sure what caused her sickness and I don't know if I really want to know. She seemed happy and somewhat healthy to that point. In my google searches I came across a few texts that said "dogs are very good at making you believe they are not sick." And Jorge found some things that mentioned skin infections a manifestation of things going on inside.

In all, it's been a sad goodbye and we'll miss her quite a bit and I know there will be tears shed when we bring this baby home and don't get to introduce her to our first "baby" Abby.

High Expectations

As I'm sitting working my toosh off at work this month I realized something, I have high expectations. I expect myself to accomplish a LOT at work, and if someone asks for something, I usually say yes. And get a lot done. So it got me thinking of other ways I have high expectations....

-I think the kids should be good to each other. Nice friends, respect one another, and love us all as a family.

-I expect myself to keep up their school skills over the summer. I start every May/June with some scrounging to find things they can and will do over the summer. Workbooks are a given and some cool ideas are always part of the agenda.

-I expect our house to work. For example, I think equipment should last longer than a summer. My parents have a box fan from sometime around 1976 that they still use. Meanwhile we've bought new fans every few years as those darn things break down all the time. Don't even get me started on how a house should not leak or how a DVD player should work for longer than a few years.

-I expect good things from the government, a clean city, and no crime. Weather that is acceptable would be great! Can we just combine a few cities into one grabbing the best weather months from them all, throwing in some awesome views, healthier restaurants, cheap shopping and driveability. Yeah, that sounds good. I may have to invent such a place someday and have an interview process for who gets in.

-I expect happiness out of life. I'm not satisfied with a mediocre doctor, church, job, activities, movies, etc etc. I just think if there is better, why not seek it out!? Call me picky, or annoying, but it must be part of my personality to want the good things in this world around me:)

Silly Billies

In the car....

Logan: "Mom, we don't have 10 fingers, we only have 8. Thumbs are not fingers."

Sylvie: "Are pinkies fingers?"

Explanation from me about the different names of the fingers- index, pointer, etc. Then I said I wasn't sure what the one next to the pinky is called.

Sylvie: "I'm going to name mine 'Stace."

Logan:"I'm going to name mine 'Slice."

I love that they so naturally go into make-believe pretend mode!

Mother's Day Plans

Logan: "Mom, we have a plan for tomorrow. You get to sleep in and I'll get Sylvie her princess milk."

Sylvie: "And I'll do all the dishes" (aka pouring soap all over everything and running up the water bill, but ever so sweet)

Logan : "And we'll do everything in the morning, we'll even keep the floor clean. You just have to sit back and relax on the couch."

Sylvie: "You can sit in my spot on the couch. Logan, you do the broom and I'll do the dishes okay?"

I love these sweetie pies. They make my world a wonderful place to be in!

And endless palette......

Suddenly this week I'm really open to ideas on how to bring back some of the old fun into my life.......Some things I've come across that are inspiring or worth pursuing.....

Meetup

I used to be part of a meetup.com group. Nice ladies but my kids got too big too fast and suddenly school was getting in the way of play! Add in work days and I had to part ways. So on a whim I went on meetup.com and came across a few biking groups. There is one that tries to do biking and hiking with stops along with way for taking photos. Here's a photo from a member. Sounds right up my alley doesn't it? Think I can convince Jorge to stay in town on Sunday mornings for the spring and summer so I can do some sunrise bike rides?

Architecture

I came across an architect with really beautiful buildings. It won't let me copy any images, but it's this website for Clay Chapman www.periodarchitecture.com Not sure if that will work, but it With so many directions to turn in architecture, I feel like I'm constantly realizing I'm inept at some piece of it. I love that he comes across as in love with one idea, and goes that direction, and that's just the way it's going to be. I'm not quite as strong in the ego as that, but it was fun seeing a different version of the art of "techtonics" that I learned in Seattle. It was also reassuring seeing an architect's take on "period architecture" as opposed to the oversized versions that are pimped out to the maximum FAR with no regard to proportions that I come across all to often.

Mommy Mojo

I seem to be feeling more creative and enjoying the babies and their loves more. I was okay with 2 days of Polly Pocket time and I'm looking forward to a lego creation plus a battle with Logan. He made me promise to be the bad guys:) I am a bit ridiculously sad that both kids spend so much time away from us that they are their own little people now. I'm excited to recapture some of that family bond on our vacation next week. I'm also super proud of Logan getting so into baseball and Sylvie being so into ballet and gymnastics.

West Coast Wonderment

We're headed to San Francisco in a few short days. I'm excited to be rejuvinated by the air, the water and the hills. And to introduce our kids to the urban lifestyle. Complete with walking, fun things to do, and time together!

Feeling pretty good tonight. My biggest annoyance is the dog, and that's a good sign.

Sketching

I've been playing around with my handwriting, taking a bit more time to focus on the letters. And sketching. I've seen a few neat watercolors that struck my fancy that I may have to use as inspiration as well. I'm bringing my sketchbook to San Francisco, and who knows, I may actually document this place through my mind's eye rather than just my camera's.

Music

A few blogs I follow have fabulous music. And I have been listening to Pandora at work during the late afternoon and on the bike trail when I'm walking to push me through and get inspired. Music can be so invigorating and soothing, I need to find more of it in my life. I think it really moves my Sylvie, she absolutely loves music. But Logan is funny as well, it can change his mood quickly. I think as a family we need to find more music time, and less tv time.

Local Hangouts

I consider my neighborhood as the entirety of Chicago, and I'm proud that we do try to take advantage of some of what the city has to offer. But I feel bad that we have not really enjoyed some pieces of our own neighborhood, and my goal is to try a few hangouts, a few restaurants, and a few new parks and such. I also need to find some of what I had in Seattle that was so readily available, trails and hikes and such, and make my way into nature here. Mosquitos, heat, snow and all. I need to find joy in this place because I don't think I really have yet and it may be awhile before we leave.

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Obsession with Hair

Sylvie's obsession with long hair has been fed by the Rapunzel movie Tangled. I'm sure she's not the only 5 year old who has latched on to long hair. It began with the hair extension that came with the castle, which moved to HER wearing the extension in her own hair. And then there was the need to have the 18" Rapunzel doll with super-long hair.

So we move on to the visit to the American Girl Store where she selects the doll with the most hair possible. Kanani. Well, did you know if you brush Kanani's hair out instead of down, you get a ball of hair as big as a small cat? Oh yes you do. And thank goodness for Google, I was able to figure out you can wet and use detangler, then wrap each tendril around your finger and have an amazingly pretty head of doll hair. It took an hour. For 5 minutes it was pretty before she has to doctor it all up. I think I need my own American Girl doll that can stay pretty and brushed :)

And alas, this weekend we went to a party and low and behold there is Sylvie with a new best friend- a girl who has that beautiful long, black, asian hair down to her bottom. I turned to my mom friend and said "Betcha anything she started chumming around with her because she covets her hair." We got a good laugh, but I know I was right. Because this morning there was a total meltdown over "MOM, I NEED my hair to be black and long like that girl at the party!!!! I need to have it painted. " So I said "Sylvie, you are welcome to add color to your hair when you are a teenager." To which she said "Mom, that'll be perfect! When I am a teenager I am going to be Rapunzel, so I can be a Rapunzel with BLACK hair!" Aka, something like this picture. I would not put it past her, and gosh, I'll be jealous because that really would be pretty, and fun if you can swing around your tower and such dontcha think:)

Note to Self-

..... The key to juggling a lot of things and enjoying life instead of being overwhelmed is to be in the moment. At work, think about and work that piece of your brain. At school drop offs and pick ups, enjoy the mom-conversation and try not to judge everyone, but get to know them for who they are. At home, create a nice place for the kids to "land." Keep it neat, keep it organized so the library books don't go missing. Keep on top of the laundry and our health. But throw in plenty of time for creative activities, mix up the kid-focused ones and the adult ones, make it a good place to be. When you have 2 hours, do something that will set the tone for the rest of your weekend. Take a walk listening to Pandora, looking at the trees and bundled in too many layers, dream of biking the trail soon enough and work those muscles to get ready.

And don't forget to breathe, smile and enjoy this life:)

Dreams may come true....

With kids at this age (5 and 7) you start asking questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and expect somewhat real answers.

So I asked....

Logan asked me today "who wins more, the Sox or the Cubs?" The totally baseball-illiterate mom in me told him "Well, the Sox win more, but the Cubs are the underdogs" and explained underdog to him.

Soon after I was googling "how many players are in the Cubs?" 38 says Answers.com. "39 with me when I start playing on the Cubs" says Logan. What a sweetie!

Sylvie went to Nordstroms twice this year and picked some item and fell in love. With us, she picked a dress, the newest dress that cost more than we would normally spend on a dress, and of course, since she had daddy around her little finger, it came home with us!!! And later she brought Abuelita, and captured herself a hat, a little adorable hat that had to come home with us!

Snow Day!

....for Snowmageddon!!!! Just putting it down for Logan and Sylvie that today, this day in Chicago history, is a storm that is classified as a blizzard! It started today (Tuesday) at around 2 pm. It was a difficult walk even between the 2 schools. I was so happy my boss let me head home to get my babies. Even Jorge came home at a decent time. Tomorrow almost every school is out for the day, even the Chicago Public Schools called a Snow Day for the first time since 1999. The last time we had a blizzard of this magnitude was 1967? Though my parents remember shoveling snow off their roof in 1979!

Hope we get some pictures to put up tomorrow, it's supposed to last all day and dump between 1 and 2 feet of snow!

We did we did! We got up to snow all around the windows, snow outside in huge drifts. The front yard wasn't too bad thank goodness because the back yard was so bad we couldn't open the door and I had to wade through 3 foot drifts to get the extra shovels! I had thought to bring one set inside overnight! We all got outside in snowpants at 7 am and spent an hour and a half shoveling. Sylvie went back inside but was fine with us continuing. It kept snowing all morning so Jorge went back out for an extra hour later.

And then there was the alley. Oh goodness! The plow came by around 5 pm and we then had a huge wall of snow at our garage and nowhere to put it! Jorge did a huge chunk and then I headed out to help him and we made 5 foot piles at either side of the garage. What a project!

Today is Snow Day #2. I guess the buses aren't able to get through the streets yet.....Crazy and fun and exciting. The windchill is supposed to hit 25 below today- ick! It's cold here in the house.

Front

Alley

Side Yard- biggest drifts!

The school project....

Logan's school project is to celebrate 100 days. He has to put 99 of one object on a board and 1 of something opposite. Of course the example was "cats and dogs" and he said he was going to do "cats and dogs." Hilarious. I was able to persuade him into doing something he likes and we decided on 99 Lego Guys and 1 Lego. He actually came up with the idea of taking photos of his guys and gluing the photos to the board. So it's a few days after we began the assignment and here's how it's gone......

Thursday morning- Grand discussion on what the plan was to get all this acccomplished.

Thursday afternoon- trying to wrangle Logan into focusing on what he wanted to photograph, and the three of us rounding up 100 guys. Me hovering over a table taking lots o' photos. Sylvie wanted in on the action and she has a pile of her own lego people to photograph as well.

Thursday night- upload photos. Try to upload photos. Safari won't allow me on Walgreens photo website so I never make it. Ugh. Okay, CVS also does photos. Upload photos.

Friday morning after school dropoff- bring Sylvie into CVS where she falls in love with some cute kissing stuffed animals that need to come home with us. And if you buy the animals, you need to buy a Valentine's Day card to go with them, so I set out to pick one for my sweetheart.

Oh and there are 3 other things I needed to get of course. Plus posterboards and glue sticks and sticky letters....

Friday afternoon- open the photos and I'm super disappointed. For $24 worth of photos, they are pretty bad quality and there are 30 extra photos that are enlargements of faces. Lego faces. What the frick? Late Friday, I call CVS to see what's up and check what I had uploaded. My 50 photos turned into 65 and then I ordered duplicates! Headquarters had no idea. And when I opened my original photos I realized my photo quality was much better than the results, so on principal, since they said they always accept returns if you're not satisfied, I returned them. WITH Sylvie in tow, who was livid that we were going yet again out to the same darn store (and to pick up Logan).

Friday evening- haul Logan and Sylvie into Walgreens where we use the machine to upload photos. Twice. And hope for the best. And what do you know, there is a whole aisle of stuffed animals that only cost $1.99 and 2 kids pleading for one. So we buy those as well. Plus some wine for me, because I am reminded that this is a darn school project, the first of millions, and whatever the photos look like, however Logan chooses to lay them out, it'll be okay. A-Okay. :)

Saturday morning- the photos will need to be picked up but I'm going to wait til Jorge is home because I am NOT dragging 2 kids into a stuffed-animal infested Walgreens one more time to collect photos! I can just hear it.... "Mom, they're webkinz and my unicorn needs a friend!"

Temper Tantrums

We have had a big streak of tantrums most days! Here are some of the situations:

-Sylvie comes in from Abuelita's babysitting hours and freaks out about missing Abuelita, cannot handle her emotions and sits crying for a good long time and then begging "don't be mad at me!" Oh gosh this is hard to deal with and by the time it's over, I'm spent!

-One morning I was dropping Sylvie off and she showed me that she had a little digital camera in her pocket. I told her she couldn't bring that into school and she went ballistic! She had a total meltdown and even bringing her out of the room into the bathroom, I wasn't sure I'd be able to drop her off. She was sad about the camera and it turned into "I'll miss you mommy, don't go."

-The other day the windchill was 19 degrees below zero. Obviously it was frigid outside, and too cold to hang out for any length of time. We knew it was going to be cold, so we talked about how we were going to wait in the car between picking her up and getting Logan instead of waiting outside. Sure enough, she went crazy when I tried to get her in the car and was totally out of control. I got her in the passenger side and she was standing on the seat acting like a fool! Her friends were in the car next to us and even that didn't pursuade her that this was okay. She wouldn't calm down until I happened to find her library book and suddenly she was a different person and settled down. Once I tried to get her to wait in the car and brought a snack and drink and she still went nuts. She waits in the car for grandparents. I don't know what the deal is, but it sure isn't fun being the mom with the screaming child dragging her into the car instead of getting a hug or a kiss.

-We have lots of tantrums over clothing- she wants to wear a fancy dress every day and if she gets a fancy dress she flips out if it can't be worn to school, even if she knows it's not for school. Getting dressed can be a very long, drawn-out ordeal somedays. And other days, not a problem.

It's been a really hard few months of tantrums on and off and I'm not really sure what spurs them, but it's getting old fast. I'm trying to not let her walk all over me, hold firm but gentle and kind, and it doesn't seem to matter, she can't control her own emotions.Someday maybe I'll understand it all. Where is my own personal child psychologist/ psychic? There are nights where instead of sleeping she's standing upstairs next to me screaming at the top of her lungs instead. And then other nights it's not a problem. She can be so LOUD and drag things out fora a LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG time !!!!! It can be hard to handle.

Sylvie turns 5

My sweet princess is turning 5. I love the saying "The days are long, the years are short." It is so true. If I think of all the days I had a 4 year old, it seems like ages, but if I reminisce back to my 2 year old or even my newborn, it feels like just yesterday.

Sylvie is a spunky little girl and she brings light to our lives every day. She commands attention and demands her way. She wants what she wants when she wants it. Which is usually immediately.

And yet she can pick up my mom's little dog Jackson in the crook of her arm and carry him around longer than he wants, and he's a snuggler. She misses us ferociously, the minute someone leaves, school ends, we leave an adventure, she already misses it. She must have some sweet sappy nature inside her already:)

She still gives us trouble with night-time sleep and still hates waking up in the mornings. She was inducted into the American Girl club this weekend with a trip to pick out her very first doll and it was such a joy to see her coming into a big girl. While the rest of us reverted to our childhood memories of wanting and loving dolls we had seen.

There is a special bond between mother and daughter, she's my little girl and I understand what she goes through and all that is to come. It's raising a future mother, a future best friend, a future sister to her brother Logan when he needs advice or someone to pull together Thanksgiving dinner. A future career. Future talents. And yet, we still get to enjoy all that is today, all that she is, and all that we are to her.

Happy Birthday my darling Sylvie. You are the fire in my life and you make me smile and you make me laugh and you make me hug you. Thanks for being YOU!!!!!

2011

In no particular order, the things on my mind to accomplish this year are:

*Mommy- we talked about a list of places to go this year- Museum of Science and Industry, Navy Pier during some live music in the summer, plus some big trips including Disney, maybe even for a wedding!!!!

*Baby- yep, it might actually happen this year! Time will tell. But #3 would be an amazing person to add to our life. I might never stop smiling.

*Wife- with a year of heavy travel keeping us apart, we need some patch and repair work during this 14th year of marriage. Date night is on the agenda to light the spark.

*Architect- please tell me a new job is on the horizon for this year, before I go insane. Resumes are time consuming but essential. And I have some additional projects related that need working and attention. Also, exams for licensure and learning Revit are on the radar. Revit learning has been happening, and I'm really proud of what I have accomplished. Plus, going to Greenbuild Chicago was amazing.

*Biking- love that darn bike, and it's all set up in the basement as a stationary version for the winter. Hopefully biking brings with it weight loss.

Seems like the recession may be ending and these goals are already in progress. I'm hopeful to not feel so much anxiety about everyone else's problems, and when things don't go my way, and enjoy every moment.

And as always I love to be inspired, creative, loved, and in love, and really just enjoy life as it goes by. I hope to jump in with 2 feet and live this life to its fullest.

Christmas Highlights!

Sylvie has been having trouble sleeping in her own room so this week we worked very very hard to "practice" for Christmas sleeping. The night of Christmas Eve we stayed up til 11:30 partying and then I got the jammies on the kids and showed them the google Santa Tracker. It showed Santa flying around the skyscrapers downtown and that's where we had just come from, so the kids knew it was mighty close to our house, and they went running upstairs with fervor and hit the pillows in their own rooms without complaint.

We had so much fun on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This year was the most "last minute" of any year, even running into Walgreens on our way to the party at our house on Christmas Eve. A lot had been done ahead of time, but Jorge had been on 2 trips- Tokyo and then Mexico- and then working all week, so it left final preparations to last-minute. It wasn't stressful, and it all worked out in the long run.

I think Logan's on the verge of losing sight of believing in Santa, but he very much wants to play along because of the joy in it. My guess is he'll hang on to pretending for another year or two. Sylvie was nervous about Santa's Elves watching but it did good to keep her in line this spunky child of mine. On the plus side, she was the sweetest darling little girl during the 3 days of celebrating! Yeah!

We were spoiled with presents, hosted a fun party and now have so many fun things to play with!

My Brilliant Offspring

Logan is starting to spout off 'Mom, I can spell 'love backwards'. I know how to rhyme everything.' I can read that word 'playbill' 'cast'....etc. He's also learning subtraction and has decided he already knows how to multiply (not sure on that one, but I would love to see it!)

Sylvie came home from a dead sleep, woke up, got out a pen, found a pad of post-it notes, and started some "messages." It's past bedtime and her brain is on fire writing words. All of a sudden she knows letters she didn't seem to remember before, she's stringing them into words, with appropriate vowel and consonant placement, and asking how to pronounce the words she wrote.

Brilliant children I tell you, just brilliant. Yeah, I'm bragging. And yeah, I know your kid probably did all this 3 years ahead of my kids, but it doesn't matter. The first time your kid does it, it's durn exciting!

Strawberries with "Stuff"

Logan: "Mommy, do you want to know a gift everybody will like? Strawberries with stuff on it. You mix up the stuff, and you make sure it's all around it and you wait til it dries and then you can eat it." Me:"What about the stem?" Logan "You eat all the way to the stem but don't eat the stem. I made those at the restaurant before." "Got it Mommy?"

Someday he won't say "Got it?" all the time like he does now, so I have to write it down.

Also, he's very very big on repeating everything from the tv back to me, as the commercial is happening, like I don't hear it myself. Ah, my boy.

We are headed out to some store tonight because "Mom I NEED a pencil sharpener at school. And it has to come from that store where Daddy took me." Me: "Logan, do you need new crayons as well? Are yours wearing down?" Logan: "Only the gray." I find that hard to believe as I saw his crayons at the Halloween party and they were on their last legs but I forgot to get new ones til now. He's so into recycle/reuse that he probably thinks you need to use a crayon til it literally is gone. Silly sweet boy.

Sylvie is in an eating phase, she eats all the time. Logan is in a talking phase, he never stops!

Middle of the Night

What's keeping me awake tonight?

Reliving a work situation. I hate when I do that. No one else is thinking about it at 3 am!

Wondering about Sylvie's school and if it really was a good idea. And wishing I had the means to decide on a different preschool. This one covers my work hours. At least she has made good friends.

Kinda pissy that Jorge is on his 2nd vacation trip in 2 weeks and I'm here dealing with frigid cold, a finicky furnace and ice and snow and Christmas prep all by my lonesome. Missing him as I had a cranky day and really could use a hug and smile.

Got sucked into a movie. It takes place in England and is flashing to Paris and I am reliving the memory of Paris.

Wondering if I'll ever get out of this job.

Wondering if all the other things I'm sad about will change.

Wondering if I'll wake up in a better mood if I go to bed for another 2 hours.

Greenbuild!

When I hit September and didn't get my new path laid out in gold for me, I chose to go at it alone. And maybe piece by piece. So piece #1 was Greenbuild Chicago. Just the idea of skipping responsibility for the day after so many days of playing double-parental duty made me a bit guilty. I did however at least leave a list for Jorge. And pack lunches for the finickies.

Drove in. Blech. What an ugly state. I'm sorry, but after learning that the actual scenery can actually soothe you while you drive long distances in Washington state, I always shock myself driving through factory areas where speeders fly by in the shoulder. Ignore the scenery and focus on the white knuckles and getting over to the lane where you need to be, which may or not be the one GPS tells you with all this construction in this town. If I had not looked up where I was supposed to be, I would have been overwhelmed by McCormick Place so score one for me for knowing what I was doing instead of trying to read a massive sign while driving.

Happy day, loved it. Loved the seminars, big and small. Yes they are tree-huggers. But I know that type, they live in Seattle often. Even more of them live in Portland. :) And man, those guys/gals at MIT are pretty crazy, but it looked so cool and out there, I'll take it.

Went to 4 seminars. Only thing that was weird was not having someone to share it with, but I did strike up a conversation or two along the way. And made myself go to the social event at the end, despite the potential of helping Jorge out by picking the kids up. Love the kids up, but I've had 80% of the parental duties this year, so kids, here's your dad. Jorge, here's your watch. It's 5:30, normal people leave at this time of the day and live in the same state as their wives. And he did it like a champ. At the social event I had great conversation, which I started, so it was awesome.

Happy day. Love this world of green, but even more than that, it made me miss my intellectual school days. Seven years of college and then one day the learning ends. Well, in some firms you continue. My new goal is to figure out ways to keep up the learning. Despite the company that employs me. Ideally it would be some great company though right? :)

4 Year Old Preschool

Sylvie likes to call her year of preschool "4-year old preschool." It has been a whirlwind year so far and while nothing is earth-shatteringly funny she does make me laugh, worry and cry.

Here are some highlights:

-Storytelling. Ellen had a wolf visit her house. Alex got bit by a REAL vampire. Emily saw the real monster that lives at Great America.

-Best Friends. She has been having issues keeping in the clique of girls. She spent the first few months concerned about who sat next to her, who liked, her, who talked to her, etc. My goodness she came home and threw temper tantrums left and right from the stress of it all. I've volunteered and it's insane at times. However, it does seem to be calming down. She gets out of school and obsessively wants to go over to the flagpole for her one on one time with Allison. I was really upset at her behavior until I understood that she spent the day fighting for attention and this was special friend time. Preschool can be rough! But on the plus side she's making some really long-term good friendships.

-She's good with the boys. Having a brother has taught her how to talk about Star Wars, and how to not freak if a boy talks to her.

-They call her Chivis (the kids, not the teacher) which I think is hilarious and she likes

-Every day is a fashion parade for Sylvie. She spent the first months wearing dresses and skirts, mourning days she had to wear gym shoes and having massive numbers of outfit changes. Then this week she wore jeans. Twice. With heeled shoes and a sparkle shirt. She keeps the teachers laughing. She wore two pigtails but wanted one clipped to the side to look like a side ponytail.

-Introducing the "I want for lunch exactly what my friends have for lunch." Which can be great because I know I can get her to eat a sandwich for the first time ever. And horribly disastrous when you pre-order hot lunches in September and she has a meltdown about it. And packs a lunch anyway.

-She's more patient with the process of getting to school, waiting for Logan's turn, and the walking it takes to get it all accomplished. As long as mom is right by her side. Woe to the family member who has to take her to school, her world is not okay on those days. I had to beg my office to let me change my hours just to keep the peace. Ah, kids:)

She's keeping me laughing, keeping me guessing, and throwing tantrums like a true 4-year old can pull off.

Life today....

Today I have been weepy. Probably hormonal, but it's kind of nice. I like being able to really "feel" strong emotions some days. Not being on cruise control. Or just being satisfied with something like a clean kitchen. Seeing life's big picture and really assessing it. I worry sometimes that some big crisis will come crashing into our lives, we have this beautiful life and I want it to stay good, great really. Happy, loving, and sweet. Joyful. Who would want to rock that boat? I always feel like I am asking for better and I'm always worried about how can one not feel guilty for complaining about anything in their perfect life while thereare miners stuck 2000 feet below the earth's surface for over 60 days, and friends who left the earth leaving their children behind, and babies who left the earth leaving their moms behind. All that seems so life-shattering and crazy and I hope nothing like that enters our daily bubble.

But life is life and we churn through dishes and losing weight and meal planning and parenting. And smiling in disbelief that our kids are so smart and get 100% on all their papers. And spend a long time coloring the perfect picture. And make mini-laptops out of paper and leave them all over the house. And tuck their dolls into a hand-me-down American Girl bed. I want a new job and had given myself a September deadline to accomplish this task but for all the hours spent trying, this recession is either double-dipping or just not coming up for air just yet. So knowing how firms are in this career, I'm trying to grieve the loss of this happiness I wanted for myself and make do with the new reality of our real fall schedule.

Not that I'm in this terrible place. I'm just so stubborn that I want what I want when I want it thank you very much. And I thought things were going to be one way and they are another. So I'm trying to make the best of things.This week I stood up to a head person to ask for something I knew they would not like. And when his mouth formed the word 'no' and every ounce of his body language said the same, I had to step it up, fight for what I wanted, and sell it. I got it. Phew! I also played the work game, you know the one where you run into an issue and instead of banging your head against your desk you find just the right person to get an answer from with the added bonus of sympathy for your plight? Plight. I learned that word ages ago in grade school and did a whole report on the Plight of some group or another.....always loved good words....

Seeing my kids in school is bringing back memories aplenty of life back when. When the cool song everyone wanted to listen to on Walkmen was "Toy Soldiers" by Martika. When the cool thing was to make fun of the music teacher. My son is making fun of the music teacher and I asked him why and kind of leaned over and said "well, she's not really that bad" which leads me to believe he doesn't quite know why the kids say she's mean, but he'll happily jump on that bandwagon anyway. Poor music teachers!

I'm trying to just enjoy what life is bringing my way this fall instead of making my own path, because it doesn't seem to be going that way. I do have to say some big decisions seem to be coming clearer and I'm pretty happy with that. Sometimes I think it takes being a peace with what you have before you can take on something new. And not knowing if you want something is overwhelming. But feeling at peace with a future plan is so liberating. For now, I'll share some of the little things that made me smile today....

Do we really have to get rid of all of these leaves? I am LOVING them. They make everything so pretty. My favorite is the bright pink/red trees that show up when you round a corner and take your breath away.

Logan, my sweet soul, was getting into a habit of bringing every friend he owns downstairs and now he's narrowed it down to a few "best friends."

Sylvie has rejuvinated her mothering role. She has a few American Girl knockoff type dolls she's loving on. Abuelita collected this doll bed back from a neice and Sylvie really loves it. I can't wait to introduce her to Jamie's twins this weekend and see what she thinks.

We have a house built in 1946. A brick Georgian. It has its perks, its quirks and its frustrations. But when we went looking for a house I really really wanted a staircase. And while a ranch house would be good for laundry I won't regret the stairs. The window and the paintings from Mexico make me smile each time. The wood stairs are warm, and warmer with white paint. I always think about the fact that we are creating a baseline for our kids on what they see as "home." I can see us dragging our kids to an ultra-modern urban condo someday only to see them buy their first home with their spouses that looks just like this one.

My sweet dog. Jorge and I both had cocker spaniels growing up and wanted one as our first "together" dog. She's full of spunk and can push my buttons worst than Sylvie but I do love her as a walking companion, and a sweet friend who is at my feet.