Life today....

Today I have been weepy. Probably hormonal, but it's kind of nice. I like being able to really "feel" strong emotions some days. Not being on cruise control. Or just being satisfied with something like a clean kitchen. Seeing life's big picture and really assessing it. I worry sometimes that some big crisis will come crashing into our lives, we have this beautiful life and I want it to stay good, great really. Happy, loving, and sweet. Joyful. Who would want to rock that boat? I always feel like I am asking for better and I'm always worried about how can one not feel guilty for complaining about anything in their perfect life while thereare miners stuck 2000 feet below the earth's surface for over 60 days, and friends who left the earth leaving their children behind, and babies who left the earth leaving their moms behind. All that seems so life-shattering and crazy and I hope nothing like that enters our daily bubble.

But life is life and we churn through dishes and losing weight and meal planning and parenting. And smiling in disbelief that our kids are so smart and get 100% on all their papers. And spend a long time coloring the perfect picture. And make mini-laptops out of paper and leave them all over the house. And tuck their dolls into a hand-me-down American Girl bed. I want a new job and had given myself a September deadline to accomplish this task but for all the hours spent trying, this recession is either double-dipping or just not coming up for air just yet. So knowing how firms are in this career, I'm trying to grieve the loss of this happiness I wanted for myself and make do with the new reality of our real fall schedule.

Not that I'm in this terrible place. I'm just so stubborn that I want what I want when I want it thank you very much. And I thought things were going to be one way and they are another. So I'm trying to make the best of things.This week I stood up to a head person to ask for something I knew they would not like. And when his mouth formed the word 'no' and every ounce of his body language said the same, I had to step it up, fight for what I wanted, and sell it. I got it. Phew! I also played the work game, you know the one where you run into an issue and instead of banging your head against your desk you find just the right person to get an answer from with the added bonus of sympathy for your plight? Plight. I learned that word ages ago in grade school and did a whole report on the Plight of some group or another.....always loved good words....

Seeing my kids in school is bringing back memories aplenty of life back when. When the cool song everyone wanted to listen to on Walkmen was "Toy Soldiers" by Martika. When the cool thing was to make fun of the music teacher. My son is making fun of the music teacher and I asked him why and kind of leaned over and said "well, she's not really that bad" which leads me to believe he doesn't quite know why the kids say she's mean, but he'll happily jump on that bandwagon anyway. Poor music teachers!

I'm trying to just enjoy what life is bringing my way this fall instead of making my own path, because it doesn't seem to be going that way. I do have to say some big decisions seem to be coming clearer and I'm pretty happy with that. Sometimes I think it takes being a peace with what you have before you can take on something new. And not knowing if you want something is overwhelming. But feeling at peace with a future plan is so liberating. For now, I'll share some of the little things that made me smile today....

Do we really have to get rid of all of these leaves? I am LOVING them. They make everything so pretty. My favorite is the bright pink/red trees that show up when you round a corner and take your breath away.

Logan, my sweet soul, was getting into a habit of bringing every friend he owns downstairs and now he's narrowed it down to a few "best friends."

Sylvie has rejuvinated her mothering role. She has a few American Girl knockoff type dolls she's loving on. Abuelita collected this doll bed back from a neice and Sylvie really loves it. I can't wait to introduce her to Jamie's twins this weekend and see what she thinks.

We have a house built in 1946. A brick Georgian. It has its perks, its quirks and its frustrations. But when we went looking for a house I really really wanted a staircase. And while a ranch house would be good for laundry I won't regret the stairs. The window and the paintings from Mexico make me smile each time. The wood stairs are warm, and warmer with white paint. I always think about the fact that we are creating a baseline for our kids on what they see as "home." I can see us dragging our kids to an ultra-modern urban condo someday only to see them buy their first home with their spouses that looks just like this one.

My sweet dog. Jorge and I both had cocker spaniels growing up and wanted one as our first "together" dog. She's full of spunk and can push my buttons worst than Sylvie but I do love her as a walking companion, and a sweet friend who is at my feet.