Mid-September: Jorge got a nasty cold that just dragged and dragged.
My Dad was having back issues again and having bad days. He had a cancer scare and was continually going through testing to see if any cells had reappeared. He got an all-clear for the next 6 months. This is from May at my in-laws restaurant patio downtown.
My car, my beautiful BMW started blinking lights and warnings at me with an engine failure. It died on me and I had to have it towed- booooooo! Did I mention it was ON my Birthday? Luckily I was decently close to home so after I passed the baby to Jorge, I waited forever for the tow truck and then headed home by foot. Warranties on expensive cars are a requirement, phew! Didn't cost us toooo much. We low-keyed my birthday celebrations this year, but I did get to go out for a girls night with cousins and family to celebrate my birthday buddy cousin Jenny's 40th birthday. Fun!
I have been doing a diet called THM and have had some success so that's been nice.
Late September we went to a wedding for my Dad's cousin. It was a crazy day. Jorge was at a convention all day presenting and dealing with soccer amidst the heat, the bees and then an injured Logan with the girls was no small or fun task. So rushing to the house to get ready for the wedding was sheer chaos. By some miracle my neighbor was outside in the alley gardening. I asked if I could leave the car running and Venice asleep in the car and she could make sure no one stole them both. We changed clothes and Logan showered in 10 minutes flat- makeup, jewelry and everything! It was crazy! We made it to the wedding, and then drove to meet my parents, who had spent the day before in Ann Arbor at a wedding for my brother's in-law family. We all went to the reception near their home and had to bow out early as the kids hit their limit. It was great to see them and spend time with them even if we were a bit flustered. We came bearing White Castles. My dad was newly gluten free so he was super excited by the vanilla shake I thought to bring after checking their online allergy-free menu.
In early October, I was doing homework with my kids on a Monday night that my Dad had gone to the ER with my Mom and was having trouble walking. Given his knee and back issues and diagnose like "sciatica" and "arthritis" I was not thinking this was an emergency but that they would give him some cortisone and send him home. By Tuesday morning, I was at work and got a text from my mom that he was going in for emergency back surgery. I took off running and was able to see him before he went in. He was in a lot of pain, scared out of his mind and miserable but so happy to see us again before the surgery. His sister had died in recovery from her surgery the September before. So many memories. Anyway, my sister and I were there in time with my mom and dad and sat waiting for hours on end. His brother, Tom, also came running from Indiana!
The surgery was for what they called "Spinal Stenosis" due to "Cauda Equina". His spinal cord was pressing on nerves and causing paralysis. Scary stuff. Post surgery, there was no miraculous recovery, but a few days later there was some additional feeling in his foot. We all worked together finding specialists and routes of action. My mom was by his side unless one of us stepped in. When he was up to visitors, they all came in droves. This was from his room Sunday after the Tuesday surgery. That's my kids on the couch doing Minecraft, of course.
My brother Joe drove in from Ann Arbor with his wife Emily and baby Miles. Dad couldn't believe they came, and they had their bonding time. How cute is this photo? We all had our quiet time with Dad, chatting about the "to do's" of the Michigan cottage, and life. A cousin who went through a similar surgery came to chat about recovery, and people from his office offered specialists connections. We all dropped tons of activities and obligations and found time to get to the hospital just to be there.
One of the big things they tried to do was get him started on Rehabilitation. It was driving my mom crazy as it wasn't going to plan, things were getting hung up in insurance-approval land and nothing happens on the weekends. But we all celebrated as he was given the all-clear and moved to RIC Chicago to begin intense rehabilitation therapy. He was buddies with all the nurses and doctors, and took forever with his goodbyes, they all loved him. He was a big ball of mush gushing emotions to everyone who came. Wearing his heart on his sleeve.
Tuesday I went to work, it was my first day that work week. The week before had been brutal. I was scrambling to complete a ton of work, trying to fit in time to see my Dad, and my boss was at a mandatory conference for 3 days so all calls coming in had to be handled by me. I had been working Mondays as well, but that was the first week my boss had said "let's just go back to 3 days a week." By 10 am he walked in and laid me off due to a lack of work. I was expecting a possible layoff sometime in the coming months, but definitely never would have expected it that day. I still had a desk full of work to do, so I stayed until 2 pm finishing things up. It was totally awkward and strange and I was more angry than upset that day. Still gobsmacked.
I took a lunch break that day and saw this lady in a restaurant that looked so much like my late Grandma. She stared at me with a blank smile-less face and then winked at me. It was so very strange and so very Grandma. I felt like it was a sign from her that things would be okay on the job front. Perhaps she was actually preparing me for even worse to come. I also ran into my grandmother-in-law and her son walking their dogs. They asked about my dad, and they didn't know I had lost my job yet, I just burst into tears, it was nice to get a hug. Or 5.
Tuesday, October 7 at 7:30 pm Dad was at RIC, he spent his first night there. He sent us all emails of his view of the sunset and that all was ok.
Wednesday, October 8 was busy - I was running the kids to school and dropping Venice off at my in-laws. It was an atypical drop off and took a bit longer than usual. My plan was to go home and pick up the pieces of my job loss and start a job hunt and to claim unemployment.
I was driving home with my mind full of To-Do's and got the call from my mom that my dad had stopped breathing and they were rushing him to the larger hospital across the street, Northwestern. I said "okay, I'm on my way." I had to stop for some water so I wouldn't faint on the way there.
I prayed that whole car ride that if he was gone, and I just knew he was gone, that they would not call while I was driving. I texted them I was almost there, but the parking was near impossible and I was in tears with the parking attendant before he told me to try the top level , my car was just not fitting. I walked into the ER and knew right away. My mom was in a small room with my sister and a Rabbi. We are not jewish so then I REALLY knew something was wrong. It was almost laughable. Later, after the news hit, my mom told me the Rabbi's name was Paul (her late brother's name) and the nurse was named Joe (my brother who was 5 hours away). So Paul and Joe were there to help us through that insanity that was to come.
My dad had stopped breathing and had a heart attack. They were unable to resuscitate him. We got to see him and hold his hand and say goodbye. It was surreal and awful. We had trouble getting ahold of some people, couldn't open his blackberry to get some key work phone numbers, and it was kind of a mess. My mom's sister Donna and my favorite cousin just so happened to be "in the area" for an appointment. My cousin Amy and her new baby were in the building for a checkup. God threw people our way at the moment we needed them. When my mom got the news, she called a neighbor who had been a part of all of this with us and he drove her downtown. Big city driving is not easy or fun.
It was all a blur. We moved to Mom's house that Wednesday and food and drinks and people showed up. I had a huge migraine and had to step away for a bit.
My brother and his family had to turn around and come back after the long drive home the day before. I'll never forget when he arrived, sobbing, we all just hugged, the 4 of us left. I think it's the moment to me that will define my memory of all of this, 4 strong was still not enough to replace the 1 missing. Family.
The next days were full of planning and crying, mourning and surviving. Dad had a beautiful wake. They counted about 700 people who came to pay their respects. Who knows 700 people? My Mom had worked hard to make it a beautiful event. She had her moments with my 4 year old inquisitive twin nieces at the coffin asking poignant questions and she said it was only her angels giving her all the right answers. She had guards from the Knights Templar and a little presentation from the Knights of Colombus at the close of the ceremony. It all ended too quickly. My friends came. Relatives of relatives came. Co-workers from his companies came and shared stories of a hard-working man. I'll digest and reminisce all of it for years I'm sure.
The funeral was the next day at the church we were married in. Joe and I presented the Eulogy. We had worked together to write it. Venice was a pain and Jorge had to work extra hard to support an emotional set of kids and a cranky toddler. We all drove in pouring rain to Michigan to the gravesite near the cottage. Where the beatles that look like ladybugs but are not, clung to all of our clothing and hair.
I bust into tears when we settled into the cottage, it was so hard to be there without him.
But my mom was so very cute, the played a song they had been hearing throughout the sick days "All about the Bass....." silly and upbeat, she had us all dancing on the grass and being silly. Before you knew it, there was a campfire and kids running everywhere. We ran out of food and they had to get more! Family and friends.
As the pieces are settling in on regular life it's continued to be a rough month. Job hunting and interviewing is something I despise and it's soul-breaking. Unemployment was messed up, spent a day there without food or bathroom fixing it, felt depleted after. Gearing up for Halloween and all its events and worrying about money has taken its toll. But we continued to celebrate. My in-laws both have birthdays in October so we found time to be with them.
Logan finished his soccer season. I got a chance to go and take photos and it was a beautiful misty morning. He Loves soccer.
And Jorge and I ran off for the night and left a babysitter with the kids. Design Night at Navy Pier. So nice and lovely and inspiring. But also overwhelming worrying about where I was supposed to land next.
Halloween festivities came yesterday and they were intense. Snow. Blowing howling gusts blowing down lifeguard huts at the Lakefront, and hail! Brrrrr!
So yes, Sylvie, a Lucky November would be fabulous! We have Logan turning 11, Venice turning 3, Thanksgiving without Dad to survive, a job for me to find, and a fun outing to a downtown musical to enjoy! Cheers to a great November!
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