I wish life was easy to figure out. Yes, I like a bit of adventure. But yes, that's me in that picture really pissed off in the back of the blow-up raft somewhere in Mexico because I got forced to white-water river raft. No I'm not glad I did it. It's not on my life's list of things to do. The few major things on my list. Marry a man I adore. Check. Have babies I live my days for. Check. Live in a good house (to fulfill my inner designer). Check. Have friends and family. Check. See a Madonna concert. Check- yup my husband remembered that one and came through for both my 25th and 30th birthday. Awesomeness. That woman is such an amazing singer, seeing her concert will probably be on Sylvie's life's list of things to do. Her personal life, I could do without.
My job this week has been tedious ad-nauseum. On the one hand, I cannot believe I don't have the patience for more than 2 of Logan's long-winded stories, but find myself charging through the task of drawing the teeny pieces of a specialty faucet/ cradle/ handsprayer to the 64th of an inch at work. All to have it show up at about 1/4 of an inch on the paper. In plan, side elevation and top elevation. It definitely fits my obnoxious will to be perfect, my eye for detail and yeah, I'll admit it, I enjoy looking at some of these bathroom fixture websites. They are pretty:)
I think anyone who has a career right now is possibly in the position of "Settling" right now. Settling for not their favorite job, not their favorite clients, and not their favorite projects. That's life in an economic downturn. But you know what, I'm in my early 30's and this is my prime. I'm feeling strong pulls towards greatness and while my brain says "no" my mind wanders to other experiences sometimes. Not to mention working more and better-paying could help us financially which is a daily battle with paycuts and fears of layoffs.
Today I was at the park and met a woman who worked in a firm nearby and was saying if I needed a job, call her up and she'd put a good word in for me. They do schools, something I had originally wanted to do and figured I'd be doing right now. It got me thinking, barring the economy that is still in the toilet as we speak, is it time to find a big job, not just the run of the mill. part time work? I grappled with that in September when I got this job and believe me I'm not planning to quit anytime soon! But in the big picture, would working more and more intense make me and us happy? Or is being with my babies during this formative time the right option, however stressed about money we get. I think for now, the part-time gig will do. But I also don't put it past me to stumble into some great opportunity someday.
Speaking of stumbling, do you believe in the accidental meetings we have that are supposed to give us "Signs" and clues as to what path we should be following in life? Today, was meeting this woman supposed to make me think about how great it is to be part time, lead me to this new opportunity in schools, or was it really just a total random coincidence.
I think I feel a strong gut feeling sometimes. The other day the power went out and back on. It was dark across the street and I swear if Sylvie wasn't already asleep, I was *this* close to walking across the street to check on the woman over there, it seemed her power hadn't returned. But how could it not? And it was late. She could be asleep. So randomly, I got delivered her flowers and she was chatty. Her power was out, for over 2 hours and she was crying saying how scared she was. My gut was right, I should have dodged rain drops, knocked and asked if she wanted to come over, in pj's and all. How much is left to chance, how much is a connection to the world and its people around us, and how much is destiny. I need my crystal ball to help me. Has anyone seen it?
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2 comments:
Kristin, I completely understand how you feel. I am in my job for the long haul, and I love it. Sometimes I feel like a slacker because I am, on purpose, doing only what it takes to be successful at it, keep my boss happy, and make myself useful. I'm not trying to make my way to a manager or do something great. My plan is to do exactly what I am doing until I am done having kids and they are in school. When that happens, I will focus a little more on my career and "getting ahead", since I feel private school may be in our future and we may need more money! But also, I am part time (30 hours) and I hope hope hope 30 hours a week will be enough forever. I don't think I'm cut out for full time. And with one of us working MORE than full time, I think I need to be around more to balance things out.
Your kids won't be this little for long, and they will need you less before you know it. I know you struggle with choosing the right path, but I think you've done a darn good job. And for what it's worth, I think your talent is awesome and I feel priveleged to know someone who can do what you do!
Hello
Awesome post, just want to say thanks for the share
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